21/12/2019

Ellie Soutter: British snowboarder’s mother on losing her daughter


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From Katie Falkingham
BBC Sport
About Lorraine Denman forearm is a tattoo.
Ellie Soutter stands with her arms aloft, a lakes waters lapping around her legs – looking outside to the space.
It was one of her favorite pictures, Lorraine says. I see joy, I see independence.
One of the most gifted young snowboarders of Britain, ellie, was tipped for victory.
On 25 July 2018, she took her own life. It was her birthday.
Life is completely empty, Lorraine says. I have a gigantic void in my entire life.
It is like getting the battery taken out of me. There is nothing and Im just running on empty
Ellie carried the British flag and won bronze in the 2017 Youth Olympic Winter Festival in Turkey. But, as her father Tony has previously told the BBC,funds played massively on her mind and that stress took its toll.
From the days leading up to her passing, Ellie – expected to attend training camp had missed a trip, and because of this, felt she hadlet down everyone.
Ellie has been the other half of me personally, Lorraine informs BBC Breakfasts Sally Nugent. She had been very strong, very enthusiastic about her own thoughts, she had been very driven and she was quite articulate.
She knew exactly what she wanted, even in a young age. She had her own ambitions and her very own drive
Lorraine spoke to Ellie the day before her birthday, a dialogue where she had been told by Ellie regarding the flight.
We managed to get things into line, we had been talking and Id like to move home, to enjoy her evening and Id offer her a call the next moment.
Alarm bells rang when neither Lorraine, nor her father, nor all of Ellies friends, could find her on her milestone birthday.
As a mum, I knew something was not right, Lorraine says.
A veterinary nurse in Hove, she left work. As the day moved , also Ellies phone remained unanswered, police in Les Gets – the French village – were known as and hunt parties deployed.
That night, Lorraine known as Ellies father again.
He did not answer and he then called me , she says.
I just said to himhave you noticed Ellie? Have you ever heard from her? , and he saidweve found her.
For a split moment, I thought she was living. And then he said:she is dead. He explained Lorraine, she is dead.
I got out of bed and I just dropped to the floor. Someone might as well have just taken my heart out.
The streets walked for five hours, that night. Where they went or what they watched, she has no recollection.
Fifteen months on, she takes time talk to her daughter daily and to maintain the ashes of Ellie. The tattoo on her arm, so she says, allows her to feel near her child.
Occasionally, I have heard stories, be it about the news or Ive read it in the paper, of different men and women whove lost their kids, and that I believethose bad folks, she states.
Then all of sudden, it strikes me. That is me. Im one of those people.
Ellie, based on her mother,was a worrier.
She concerned about people, she worried about money, she worried aboutwas I OK, was her daddy OK? She worried about whether she was going to fulfill expectations
Yet in the outside, Ellie looked anything but a worrier. And this, for Lorraine, is what should berecognised.
She seemed like she had all, she states.
As parents, we must take this as a responsibility also, because it had been easy for all of us to turn around and sayEllie, you have got nothing to worry about, everything will be nice, you have so much to look ahead to, youve got this coming up, youve got this, but actually, I think people must listen to and read between the lines
Lorraine adds:You can not wrap your children in cotton wool, they are individuals and theyve got minds of their own, but you can have the time to sit down and listen to them, or only take on board if theyve said something for you, dont just dismiss it
In today after Ellies passing, her parents established the Ellie Soutter Foundation in order to assist youthful winter athletesreach their potential and dreams and to help end thevicious cycle around youthful athletes funding.
Thus far the Foundation has sponsored two young snowboarders – Maisie Hill along with Mia Brookes.
In the hope this may help others, Lorraine has found the strength to inform her daughters narrative, on a personal level. Ellies death, she states,cant be in vain.
I am a voice to get Ellie now, and now I have to move forward and make others aware that she could not say just how she felt for some motive, but that I am now able to encourage people to talk, to talk or to speak with their parents along with their friends if they are having any issues, and I think this is what is pushing me .
Have I wished to give up? Quite honestly, yes. What is the point in living without her ? But she is me and I am her.
If Im going to represent her, then Im going to do it in the perfect way.
In the event you or someone you know has been affected by a mental health issue, assistance and support can be found in bbc.co.uk/actionline

Read more here: http://sh-r.co.il .il lfill expectations
Yet in the outside, Ellie looked anything but a worrier. And this, for Lorraine, is what should berecognised.
She seemed like she had all, she states.
As parents, we must take this as a responsibility also, because it had been easy for all of us to turn around and sayEllie, you have got nothing to worry about, everything will be nice, you have so much to look ahead to, youve got this coming up, youve got this, but actually, I think people must listen to and read between the lines
Lorraine adds:You can not wrap your children in cotton wool, they are individuals and theyve got minds of their own, but you can have the time to sit down and listen to them, or only take on board if theyve said something for you, dont just dismiss it
In today after Ellies passing, her parents established the Ellie Soutter Foundation in order to assist youthful winter athletesreach their potential and dreams and to help end thevicious cycle around youthful athletes funding.
Thus far the Foundation has sponsored two young snowboarders – Maisie Hill along with Mia Brookes.
In the hope this may help others, Lorraine has found the strength to inform her daughters narrative, on a personal level. Ellies death, she states,cant be in vain.
I am a voice to get Ellie now, and now I have to move forward and make others aware that she could not say just how she felt for some motive, but that I am now able to encourage people to talk, to talk or to speak with their parents along with their friends if they are having any issues, and I think this is what is pushing me .
Have I wished to give up? Quite honestly, yes. What is the point in living without her ? But she is me and I am her.
If Im going to represent her, then Im going to do it in the perfect way.
In the event you or someone you know has been affected by a mental health issue, assistance and support can be found in bbc.co.uk/actionline

Read more here: http://sh-r.co.il